My First Inspiration for Walking the Camino

I was walking through a bookstore when a book caught my eye.  It was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.  He, at the time, was new to America being a Brazilian author.  It was his first translated book, as far as I knew.  Riveting!  I just sat there and read and read and read until it was finished, but not without many markings, turned down pages and explanations of my own.  It became a text book of sorts at the time.  I was new to the world of "create your own life" (at least consciously) and soaked up everything I could.  I was entirely focused in remaking my world, dramatically.  I no longer wanted to be where I had wallowed for so long.  Little did I know how long it would take me to really make a difference and how much my mind, subconscious beliefs, were running my life.  I had periods where I was on top of it and doing well then it would suddenly rear it's head and The Old would pop back in in a new disguise.  One day I was an angel and the next I was a coyote, the trickster, really messing up my life. 

I fell in love with Paulo 's writing and searched out more translations.  Soon I was devouring his words.   Then I found The Pilgrimage.  I sat down and began a whole new journey in my life.  I found a great big bag of fear hidden in me.  It slowly opened up, kind of like a Pandora's box.  I thought I was really moving forward and making all the changes I wanted in my life and creating this new fun existence.  Suddenly this box brought in a whole new set of poooo.  This poooo smelled awful and I felt ashamed.  I had been teaching what I had been learning.  You know, learn, give, get more routine.  The path had been guiding me well until I found this hidden pile of poooo.  I think it had been hidden for many centuries because it was a smell so great that it would knock you out with just a wiff.

It was when I knew I needed to walk, get into nature, meditate etc to clean out this box within me.  BUT, life got in the way.  Along with life I made a few misjudgements for myself and off I was lost in a tangent.  One of my real life problems, keeping focused on what I truly wanted.  My family could just whisper and I would change my life in an instant for them.  They didn't have to ask for anything, I just would notice a need and give up my life and change for what I thought they wanted.  Such  a crazy lady.  I actually had a problem doing what I wanted and had to fight to do it.  I would always acquiesce. These bad habits put me in a place where I was unable to do the walk and I became lost in my own rabbit hole.  Constantly wishing I could find a way to get out and go for my walk.  I worked at it for years but for some reason beyond me, I kept hitting walls, not just walls but thick stone walls.  It was as if I was trapped in a stone box and try as I might no one would come help me and I couldn't seem to get out.

Then one day I found a bit of stone that was disintegrating.  I grabbed it and worked it until out I popped.  Now I am out and have come up with another idea of how I can manage to do this walk.  If this works out I will be walking next year.  This is my inner journey that I have sought to attain for many years.  Those demons from the Pandora's box have been doing a good job on me.  This blog is my public way of making things happen.  Remember fear is all part of the ethereal area, it really doesn't exist unless I allow it to be there.  But this old lady has been allowing it to run me, without even knowing I was doing such a thing.  The walk puts the fear hidden in the box right out front, ready for me to face.  I have tried walking at home but the duration is never long enough.  Remember, I have become very efficient over the centuries at hiding and pretending it doesn't really exist.  It doesn't exist, but because I hide it I give it validity.  Forced to walk for 6 weeks and deal with every day to day challenge in a foreign country where I do not know the language (and I will be in areas where they do not speak or know English) will bring out this hidden Beelzebub and I will be able to take back my power once and for ever.

Ultreya, buen camino

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